Learning to Embrace Change

So, this is my attempt at a writing blog.  I’ve spent the last few years maintaining a painting blog, and at the very least I dabbled in LiveJournal, but this is a new experience for me.  It is a bit intimidating. I’ll try to gently ease into it!

I realize it is hard for me to try new things and branch out away from the safely familiar.  The unknown: a terrifying prospect.

Way back when I was 7 or 8 my parents wanted to help me read more.  Awesome!!  The plan was for me to read out the words and for them to help me with the new ones.  They chose A Wizard of Earthsea.  I made it to the part where the shadow shows up (ie the very beginning) and I dropped the book, ran away and didn’t look back for years.  It was the scariest thing I’d ever read.  It reminded me of all the monsters under the bed, the darkness in the closet, or all of the illusions in the night that I knew were not my stuffed animals, but horrible creatures that would pounce as soon as I closed my eyes.  I decided I would never ever read further, because surely it must become even scarier.

Until it showed up on my required reading list in 9th grade.  Could I read it?  It was scary!  I remembered that visceral terror, even though years had passed.  Well, being the type A person I am, there was no way I could not do a required assignment.  I didn’t have a choice.  Sigh.  Undone by my own desire to succeed.  So… I knew exactly the shelf it lived on in the house.  I forced myself to pick it up and start reading.

Well.  Lo and behold, the book was good!  At the time, I learned the concepts of archetypes and the meaning behind the confrontation with the shadow.  I did not appreciate until much later how that sort of struggle would shape my life.  I’d conquered my fear of the book, and made an A in English.  Go me!  That was the end of it, or so I thought.

Here I am now, confronted with technology.  When I see my 4 year-old nephew work a tablet or my own phone better than me, I suspect I might be in trouble.  I know I need to learn twitter, blogging, socializing, etc in order to follow my desire to write. I have to try something new.  Oh dear.

It reminds me of our new computer system at the hospital.   No matter how many times I operate, surgery still stresses me out.  What if something goes wrong?  Will I be able to fix it?  I’ve managed to accept that even when things do not go as planned, I should be able to make it right.  And with experience, I’ve settled down enough to feel more confident in the OR.  So, then they add the wonderful world of EPIC.  Now, instead of worrying about problems during the surgery, I worry that I will forget some crucial part of the documentation process.  Right.  Most likely, I should just relax and know that the coders will track me down!  Oh, yes.

On the bright side, it seems I’m only able to sustain so much worry before I shrug and get on with work.  If my latest demon is technology, I refuse to let it win.  So, on to blogging. Hope it makes more sense over time!


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